Brands awkwardly crash LeBron’s homecoming

“Before anyone ever cared where I would play basketball, I was a kid from Northeast Ohio. It’s where I walked. It’s where I ran. It’s where I cried. It’s where I bled. It holds a special place in my heart. People there have seen me grow up.”

And as Twitter erupted with fans cheering, jeering and making jokes, several big brands saw an opportunity to jack the news for some real-time marketing. Here’s how a few of them handled King James’ proclamation — usually with more bricks than dunks:

Beats By Dre

Just hold on, we’re going home. Congrats @KingJames. Time to bring the ship back. pic.twitter.com/IdXg10Lvnd

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— Beats By Dre (@beatsbydre) July 11, 2014

LeBron is a Beats by Dre spokesman, so this is a tweet that does exactly what it sets out to do. Congratulates the man in a classy way while subtly reminding followers he can be seen sporting their headphones.

McDonald’s

Looks like the secret is out, our undisclosed club is in Cleveland. Welcome home, @KingJames. #BaconClubhouse #ad: https://t.co/w8kXemUjPN — McDonald’s (@McDonalds) July 11, 2014

LeBron is also a McDonald’s spokesman, so this tweet makes sense.

Quicken Loans

Looks like it’s going to be an exciting season of basketball at @TheQArena! #TheReturn — Quicken Loans (@QuickenLoans) July 11, 2014

And Quicken Loans has its name on the stadium where the Cavaliers play. So, they too felt compelled to weigh in, if a little awkwardly.

Progressive

Yay Calves! pic.twitter.com/XjPWmQzK3v

— Flo from Progressive (@ItsFlo) July 11, 2014

If this is what passes for “progressive,” we think it’s high time for a regression. (See what we did there?)

KFC

#ImComingHome pic.twitter.com/qj2DdpffAW — KFC (@kfc) July 11, 2014

Very clever, fried chicken chain. Understated yet clear, restrained yet direct.

DiGiorno Pizza

lot of pizza getting eaten in Cleveland rn #WelcomeHomeLebron — DiGiorno Pizza (@DiGiornoPizza) July 11, 2014

Normally a deft real-time tweeter, DiGiorno issued this non sequitur of a reaction. Is “pizza getting eaten in Cleveland” a euphamism for something?

Hamburger Helper

Going going. Back back. To Cleveland, Cleveland. — Helper (@helper) July 11, 2014

Hats off to Hamburger Helper for the semi-obscure Biggie referance, but we’re pretty sure the locale he name dropped in the song was, in fact, California. Starts with a C, we guess.

Denny’s

if only you would have signed with *us*, king james, if only. we coulda been a contender, we coulda been somebody… — Denny’s (@DennysDiner) July 11, 2014

Denny’s what does this even mean?

Cottonelle

LeBron James is returning to Cleveland. Lesson: Stick with what works, like Cottonelle TP and Flushable Wipes — Cottonelle (@cottonelle) July 11, 2014

Cottonelle falls completely flat with this transparent attempt to glom onto the news with an uninspired pitch. The toilet paper company needs to sit down and take a lesson from a competitor that truly gets Twitter …

Charmin

Looks like the king is returning his “throne” back to Cleveland. The internet is officially in meltdown & blowout mode. #tweetfromtheseat — Charmin (@Charmin) July 11, 2014

OK, Charmin, you win. You’re gross, but you win.